Born to Survive: Archive

4 tags

PMS!Chris

Me: I do not like chocolate whatsoever, never have, never will
Chris: No fuck you
Chris: No
Chris: No you're wrong
Chris: You're doing life wrong ._______.
Me: omfg xD
Me: its CHOCOLATE calm yourself
Chris: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Me: I'm like dying omfg
Chris: no. 
Chris: you're wrong. 
Chris: NO. 
Me: YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT
Chris: Omg you're wrong
Chris: I'm always right
Chris: always
Chris: gtfo Torrey :D
Me: I can't with you xD
Chris: I'm perfect
Chris: I'm also craving every fucking food in the world
Chris: I hate pms
Chris: I HATE EVERYTHING
Me: omg XD
Me: Chris I love you
Me: Even if you are stubborn as hell
Chris: yes good :D
Chris: lol I'm not stubborn
Chris: I'm just always right :D
Me: omfg gtfo xD
Chris: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Chris: YOU CAN'T MAKE ME
Chris: I want a milkshake
Chris: And fried chicken
Me: yeah you are pmsing
Chris: what is life
Chris: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Chris: I HATE EVERYTHING
Chris: ._____________________________.
Me: -documents entire conversation for future lulz;
Chris: pokerface
Chris: OMG NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Chris: fuck da police
Me: because omg pms chris is fucking gorgeous
Chris: I only get like this on the first night. 
Chris: just the first night I get ugh
Chris: ekjgbejlhvg
Chris: chocolate ice cream
Chris: I don't wanna drive
Me: no chocolate
Chris: TORREY
Chris: GET ME ICE CREAM
Chris: TORREY TORREY OMG
Chris: LETS MAKE A CAKE
Chris: NO
Chris: CUPCAKES
Me: omfg xD
Chris: MINI CAKE
Chris: EVEN FUCKING BETTER
Chris: CAN WE HAVE FROSTING?!
Chris: OMG
Chris: LETS GET FROSTING
Chris: rkjglehbg
Chris: i want
Chris: why do I want all the food
Me: -pats your head; it's okay, Chris, it's okay xD
Chris: no touchy
Chris: no
Chris: NO
Me: -pets your face; 
Chris: wrkjgneklg
Chris: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Chris: gtfo no touchy
Me: I am peeing myself
Chris: this is life
Me: -continues to stroke face;
Chris: no
Chris: I WILL
Chris: PUT A BOMB
Chris: ON MY FACE
Chris: AND IF YOU TOUCH IT
Chris: THE WORLD WILL EXPLODE
Chris: best plan yessss
Me: lol cause that's a good idea
Me: bomb on your face

Aug 1st

2 tags

Aug 1st

20,350 notes

1 tag

Aug 1st

86,374 notes

Aug 1st

2,298 notes

3 tags

Aug 1st

17,786 notes

4 tags

Aug 1st

18,617 notes

2 tags

Aug 1st

138,748 notes

Aug 1st

7,477 notes

1 tag

me: complains about being friendless lonely and single

me: goes offline to everyone never texts back ignores all attempts at contact

Aug 1st

20,996 notes

Aug 1st

461,189 notes

Aug 1st

128,873 notes

when america hosts the olympics

oprah: YOU GET A GOLD MEDAL AND YOU GET A GOLD MEDAL AND EVERYONE LOOK UNDER YOUR CHAIR BECAUSE YOU ALL GET A GOLD MEDAL!!!!!!!!

Aug 1st

28,338 notes

Aug 1st

8,709 notes

1 tag

Aug 1st

16,496 notes

4 tags

So apparently, I am the dildo queen.

Me: o_o -makes you climax;
Me: I AM NOT IN A MEETING, AIM DOES NOT SPEAK FOR ME
Claire: NO FOREPLAY?!
Claire: YOU'RE WORSE THAN A RUSSIAN SPY
Claire: YES YOU ARE IN A MEETING
Me: I GET THE DAMN JOB DONE
Claire: FOR YOUR DESIGNER DILDO LINE
Me: I DO NOT NEED MEETINGS FOR THAT THEY SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES
Claire: THEY DON'T TALK, THEY BUZZ IN VAGINAS
Me: EXACTLY
Claire: WELL YOU SAID THEY SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES
Claire: BUZZ BUZZ IS NOT APART OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
Me: WELL THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY A DILDO SPEAKS, OBVI
Claire: YOU NEED TO GET A DICTIONARY TORREY
Me: NO. THEY ARE NOT SPEAKING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. THEY ARE SPEAKING THE DILDO PORN LANGUAGE
Claire: THEY DON'T HAVE THAT ON GOOGLE TRANSLATE
Me: YES BECAUSE THE LANGUAGE IS UNSPOKEN BY HUMANS
Claire: AND YOU SPEAK IT?!
Claire: ARE YOU A DILDO TORREY?!
Me: NO BUT I KNOW THE DILDOIAN WAYS
Claire: YOU'VE BEEN TO DILDOIA?!
Claire: I HEAR THE WEATHER IS LOVELY THERE
Me: OH YES ITS QUITE SPLENDID, THOUGH THE VIBRATIONS OF THE PLATES THERE ARE QUITE INTENSE
Claire: I IMAGINE THEY WOULD BE QUITE ORGASMIC AND CLIMACTIC
Me: YES, YES THEY ARE. THE BIGGEST THEY'VE HAD IS 9.0. REFERRING TO INCHES OF COURSE
Claire: GET OUT OF YOUR MEETING DILDO QUEEN
Me: THE DILDO QUEEN IS NOT IN A MEETING, NIGGA
Claire: NIGGA DUN CALL ME NIGGA
Claire: BITCHES BE DISRESPECTFUL
Me: THE DILDO QUEEN DOES WHAT SHE WANTS
Claire: YOU ONLY DO VAGINA WHORE
Me: DON'T MAKE ME CUM OVER THERE